As reported on cnn.com, Harry Whittington apologized for having been shot by Vice President Dick Cheney last weekend, saying "My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week," Whittington said.
In response, Cheney, who grew up in Casper, Wyoming, said returning home was "a wonderful experience" after a "very long week." Cheney received a standing ovation from the state Legislature during his first speech since the shooting.
Encouraged by this deeply affecting statement, the Boston Red Sox issued an apology to the citizens of their fair city for breaking the curse of the Bambino, and leaving Bostonians with nothing to commiserate about.
Not to be outdone, media pundit Rev. Al Sharpton apologized on behalf of all African Americans, for causing "all that white liberal guilt".
A short time later, the returning residents of New Orleans issued a statement apologizing to FEMA for the current state of the city, and the fact that recovery was costing so much money, adding that they felt bad for tourists because "Mardi Gras will probably really suck this year."
President Bush is currently meeting with Iraqi citizens who are developing a plan to decrease potentially embarrassing casualties for this administration by staying out of the way of U.S. tanks and bullets between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m. while the country is being liberated from terrorist control.
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