Today he was upon me before I even knew he was outside. My next-door neighbor, Charlie, sidled up to me alongside the 3-feet high wall that separates our properties.
"Don't get old." OK, I say. I always say OK now. When Charlie and Wilma first moved in, I was relieved to have an older couple buy the house after dealing with a group of people who played their stereo so loud my windows would shake, until 4 a.m., on weeknights.
"Boycott France!" OK. At first I chatted with him a lot. Then I noticed we weren't really having a dialogue - it was more like the parallel conversations that 3-year-olds have. It didn't really bother me until I couldn't stop him - like if I was mowing my lawn in the summer during the 5-minute window between sunrise and 115 degrees, he would start telling me about a very large array in Mexico that was proving global warming a myth, or some other hodgepodge of scientific theory he read in some Spanish science magazine. Nothing against scientists south of the border, mind you, but I'm not sure that VLA's can track temperature... I mean, I saw Contact.
"Hillary is the anti-Christ." OK. Our conversations were less frequent after my weed-wacker caught on fire and blew up one day when we were both in our front yards.
"Your wacker is on fire." OK. I even had him wack my weeds for awhile, because he loves to wack, and was always criticizing how I handled it anyway. He even refurbished a mower for me, but as soon as I could afford it, I got a real landscape company on the job.
"You need a husband. You should marry Edward, your neighbor." OK. When people come here on vacation, or even visit, I warn them that if they engage in conversation with my neighbor, they could lose an hour or more of their day to semi-incoherent ramblings. Some heed my warnings, others are just too polite. We took a break for awhile during Neighborpalooza because he was of the opinion that
"Tom is a Fascist because he painted a Hindu deity on his wall." Well, alrighty then. That was just bringin the crazy a little too close for comfort. I stayed out of the park and away from neighbors for a couple of months until the crazy talk faded to a dull murmur, and hostility softened into simple shunning.
Lately we have reached detente, in that I let him ramble for about 2 minutes, and in exchange his wife gives my dog treats and attention while I am at work. Bella likes the arrangement, and I think Charlie does too.
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3 comments:
Totally great in an "that sucks but makes for a great blog entry" great.
Yep.
There is a woman that lives in Jerome named Ellen who does much the same thing. She is more coherent and with it but goes on to the point that checking my mailbox can last for 1/2 hr.
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