In honor of President-Elect Obama's anticipated announcements of Timothy Geithner for treasury secretary and Bill Richardson for commerce secretary, here are some guidelines to help you better understand the bailout, courtesy of Dr. Stephen Colbert.
Bailout (financial plan)
1. (verb) a prudent and necessary act which governments take to save innocent corporations that somehow fell victim to over regulation.
2. (noun) a special type of stock that tax payers (or their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc.) can purchase to get the feel of what it's like to be a stock broker.
FAQ
What Causes A Bailout?
Minorities
Who Calls For A Bailout?
Hard working salt of the earth capitalists whose stock brokers have told them they're about to lose everything.
How do Bailouts Work?
Real Americans don't ask that.
How Do You Know When The Bailout Is Finished?
When the Republican party says so.
How Much Do Bailouts Cost?
Nothing. You get a tax cut, and the $700,000,000,000 is borrowed from China.
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